pay attention

the other night i slipped into what felt like a universe that felt so far away. photos of when Ellis was much smaller than he is now, a summer of possibilities and that magical shooting star that grazes across the horizons of babyhood to toddlerland. i wish i could wrap up every precious little memory and store the finite details in my head. i’ll catch myself watching ellis blossoming right before my eyes; he’ll say something tender, do something that is just so him and nobody else, and i’ll say to myself, “this is one of those moments so pay attention” and i’ll study out the important stuff of the fleeting scene.

here are some of my favorite memories of ellis from this past year:

at the very beginning of january, i was in my room folding laundry, things got a little *too* quiet, and as i entered my kitchen i found ellis swimming in a heap of flaked coconut on the floor that he had dumped out of it’s bag. i wasn’t even mad because of how cute he was, coconut all over his face, coconut all over the floor, coconut all over his clothes, coconut everywhere. 

back in april we were getting ready to leave for salt lake city, utah, and i asked ellis if he wanted to a go on a road trip, his big browns lit up and he just started jabbering away this little words that heaven only knows. he would pause and wait for the next question before starting right back up.

over the summer (also pre-talking days) there would be these funny moments where if i would talk to him he would just look at me and shrug his shoulders.

back in october, i remember being exhausted, closing my eyes and setting my head on my folded arms that were propping my body up against the coffee table and the next thing i knew was a tiny arm was wrapping around my shoulders and the entire weight of my sweet boy leaning on my body, plump cheeks pressed against mine.

sometime last week he held out his little hands and asked for something, and i placed the item inside those tiny fingers, and he smiled real big and said “tank you bee-bee”  as in “thank you baby” i just couldn’t hold back the laughter.

this kid, i tell you, he is a million in one and the sweetest there ever was. i love him, i love him more than there are words. this year he has bloomed into more of his own person with ideas and things that he loves (like baths every night and chamomile tea with “huu-eee”) i hope this year i pay even more attention and make it a priority to keep a better journal of the things i love about him and the joys through out the day.

here’s to making memories in motherhood. here’s to paying attention.