if i could tell you my best trait and my worse, it would be the need to have a plan. i plan everything and it usually is followed by a list of some sort — my shopping, my packing, my trips, my work, my day, my weeks, my laundry, my life goals — you name it and i probably have a plan and a list for it.
which is hilarious (and not so hilarious) because my husband is the exact opposite. he thrives in living life on the edge (at least that’s how i see it) just going wherever the wind takes him — or as he likes to call it “improvising” this balance of two very *very* different approaches has left me wondering how i can find & savor peace in both circumstances.
peace isn’t something i see as an achievement, but maybe, just maybe, peace is something we get to greet for a season and learn how to find all over again in the next. or maybe, maybe i just need to root myself a little deeper in faith.
to sum up our month of august so far it would be: emotional
because our plans keep on falling through, and not little plans like laundry or shopping, but the big ones, you know like, moving to a new state to transfer to your dream school or having a place to live because you already told your landlord you were moving *yikes*
it’s been a tear filled season for me. peace seemed to continue to slip further and further away the more and more i tried to plan, like the light at dusk as it runs away into the night.
and yet — there has been joy and sheer childlike faith that things would all work out, i just knew, i just felt it. that doesn’t mean there were times when i let fear or anxiety take over because they did (hence the description of “tear filled season”) but i guess even walking through a wilderness of unknowing, feeling like the shadows were covering so much more than the light ever would, God was mindful of me and i held onto that with every fiber of my being. the overwhelm came in waves and yet there was a spark of peace still there.
God noticed me, He comforted me, mostly through the hands of other people, but He was there in their presence because i felt Him there. i can’t begin to tell you how much of our time these past few weeks have been spent praying and praying and praying to know what to do, how we were supposed to do it, and where we were supposed to be. it was in the most unique and often insignificant moments, there were pieces of His plan laid out. a small token of knowledge and insight for the road ahead. i often get so caught up thinking that God will reveal massive amounts of information to me or completely direct answers to my prayers and that isn’t always the case. with everything that started to surface, i realize now that what i was expecting was for God to shine a lighthouse on those things that were unknown, and yet He continuously gave our little family light to see, even if only it was getting a firefly or two every now and again. but through this experience i am learning that to feel peace is to be constantly searching and seeking God, because to truly see Him is to see the details, even if they seem very very small.
i guess i’m not going wherever the wind is taking me, but where God is taking me, even if the few steps are off the beaten path into the great unknown. by continuing to walk in the light there is peace and by being brave enough to take a step in the shadows even when i don’t what’s in front of me, or have a list or a plan to go off of i am actively showing Him my trust in Him. sometimes the best path is the one that you weren’t expecting to take, it wasn’t in *your* plan at all, but was in God’ plan all along.
and just so you know dear friend, the shadows pass, the light will come, even if small at first, it will come, and you will see the beauty that God has laid out and planned so perfectly for you. believe me, the views from here are stunning. so keep walking, keep trusting, and remember, in order for there to be shadows on your path the sun must be shining bright.
22 And he said unto his disciples, Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat; neither for the body, what ye shall put on.
23 The life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment.
24 Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?
25 And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit?
26 If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?
27 Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
28 If then God so clothe the grass, which is to day in the field, and to morrow is cast into the oven; how much more will he clothe you, O ye of little faith?
29 And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind.
30 For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things.
31 But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you.